Wednesday, February 15, 2006

Driving in Louisville... a Visitor's guide

1. You must learn to pronounce the city name. It is "Loo-vull"

2. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Louisville has its own version of traffic rules....the truck with the loudest exhaust goes next at a 4-way stop. The truck with the biggest tires goes after that. (Note: Blue haired ladies driving anything have right of wayanytime.)

3. To find anything in Louisville it is required that you know where the "Old Sears Building" is... which is the Alpha and Omega. The beginning and the end.

4. The morning rush hour is from 6:00 to 10:00. The evening rush hour isfrom 3:00 to 7:00. Friday's rush hour starts Thursday morning.

5. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended, cussedout and possibly shot.

6. You must know that "Jefferson Freeway", "Gene Snyder Freeway", "I-265", and "State Road 841" are the same road.

7. Construction is a permanent fixture in Louisville. The barrels are moved around in the middle of the night to make the next days driving a bit more exciting. (that is real ...not a joke!!!)

8. Watch very carefully for road hazards such as deer, skunks, dogs, barrels, cones, cows, horses, pot holes, cats, pieces of other cars, opossum, truck tires, raccoons, squirrels, rabbits, and crows or vultures feeding on any of these items. (totally ran over some kind of something in the middle of the road JUST TODAY! I think it was part of a truck or a car....maybe a pedestrian?)

9. If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave them to the shoulder immediately to let them know it has been "accidentally activated".

10. The minimum acceptable speed on the "Gene Snyder Freeway (see above) is 85 mph. Anything less is considered downright sissy. This is Kentucky's version of NASCAR. (Trust me these people have guns YOU MUST drive 85... even if you are about to exit)

11. Never honk at anyone. Ever. Seriously. (see comment above)

12. If you are in the left lane, and only going 70 in a 55 zone... you are considered a road hazard, and will be "flipped off" accordingly.

13. Ground clearance of at least 12 inches is recommended for city driving.

14. If it's 100 degrees, Thanksgiving must be next weekend.

15. If it's 10 degrees and sleeting/snowing, the Kentucky Derby Festival is going on.

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